The "I'm Getting Arrested" App

Should have planned ahead. via ENGLISHCLASS

 
Kids these days, always getting arrested and tweeting about it to their friends. But thanks to even newer technology, tweeting your legal troubles is hereby antiquated. Now there's an app for that.

It's pretty simple, really: You compose a text message in advance and pre-select your recipient list. Mom, Dad, best friend Larry, and your hair stylist, let's say. Then you head down to the local Occupy Wall Street protest -- there's one in almost every major city -- and participate in your favorite drum circle. As the police stuff you into the back of the squad car, you whip out your Android (the iPhone edition is being developed) and hit a button that sends your triumphant message of arrest to Mom, Dad, Larry, and the hair stylist. If the hair stylist is any good, she's reschedule tomorrow's appointment. If your parents are any good, they'll show up with bail.

What's next? Some other occasions ripe for a pre-loaded message at the click of a button:

- The stock market crashes. Recipient list: stock broker, mortgage broker, CC travel agent and Swiss banker.
- The birth of a child. Recipient list: family, friends, CC Santa and the College Board.
- Divorce. Recipient list: selections from your little black book.
- Stranded in Europe and need cash wired immediately. Recipient list: the entire address book.

I see brand development possibilities galore.

Dear Future Self: Facebook Photo Comments

Dear Future Self,

I thought it might be a good idea to publicly record some ideas for you to refer back to at some point in my current future and your current current. Because let's be honest, we all make mistakes, and sometimes we make them again. As George Bush said, fool me once...something or other.

Consider this your reminder to really think about what you comment on Facebook photos. What you said that was funny as a college freshman in 2005, when Facebook added the Photo app, is almost certainly not still funny now that you're in your mid-twenties. And since we supposedly continue to grow wiser as we grow older, it is likely that in five years, you will be five years smarter, and five years more embarrassed at the stupid shit you said five years ago.

Unless, of course, you're hysterical. Then please proceed. The rest of us need a laugh both now and in five years.

Smooches,

Brittany

P.S. I guess this goes for status updates too, but those were later and changed format so much that none of us really kept track or gave a damn.
P.P.S. Oh my God we all looked so young in 2005.